January 30, 2024
These RuPaul Queens Would 'Kill' on the Next Season of 'The Traitors'
Jake Myers READ TIME: 11 MIN.
If you're anything like us, you're utterly gagged watching Season 2 of "The Traitors," which dropped its first few episodes earlier this month on Peacock.
We were of course immediately lured into the treachery and treason during Season 1, including Alan Cumming's hysterically campy delivery as host (and those outfits!).
*Spoiler alert*...
We cheered with glee as "Survivor" legend Cirie Fields lied and betrayed her way to a win, shattering the hearts of her best friends in order to snatch the $250,000 prize. Wouldn't you? Now that Season 2 has launched, Peacock announced that that show has become the most-watched unscripted series in the U.S. across all streaming platforms, crediting their data from Neilson, and we can't help but wonder if queer audiences might have had a little something to do with it.
Not only has it given us it's fair share of gender-non conforming and LGBTQ+ contestants, the very premise of the show revolves around hiding, lying, and presenting a façade, something that we have become masters at as queer people. Having to hide ourselves in order to fit in or be accepted at some point in our lives is an experience most of us know all too well, so why not have a little fun with it now?
Besides the sneaking and deceit, "The Traitors" gets an A+ when it comes to campy drama, which only the gays can fully appreciate. Just the way Alan Cumming says "Muuuuurrrrrrrrrdddddeeeeeeeerr" makes us chuckle every time, and when he slams the framed glass photos of the eliminated contestants to a crashing demise, we can't help but gasp.
The roundtable in each episode is our favorite part, where the cast has to decide who to banish as a traitor. As queer people, we often root for the underdog, so when the vote gets it wrong, we love nothing more than that moment of "I told you so" redemption, when the contestant dramatically reveals, "I'm a faithful," before sashaying away.
Now that Season 2 has dropped, and this time only invites "celebrities" to the castle, we're even more hooked, simply "dying" for Peacock to drop another episode to indulge our fix (we just got episode 5, ya'll!).
This season we've got lots of housewives, lots of contestants from "Survivor" and "The Challenge," a politician, and even a "Drag Race" alum! Without giving too much away, let's just say that we wanted even moooore of Peppermint this season, which got us thinking...which other "Drag Race" alums would be ideal additions to the show for Season 3? If anyone can do camp and drama, it's a queen, so why not add even more into the mix? We have put on our duplicitous thinking caps, and have compiled our list of queens we would absolutely "kill" to see in Season 3. Are you listening, casting????
Jinkx Monsoon
Jinkx was the first on our list for obvious reasons...she's the "Queen of All Queens," to be sure. But even beyond her legendary status, we can't think of a better fit for the show. Her campy vintage looks would fit right in with the creepy Scottish vibe, and when we think of the epitome of diabolical camp, we can only think of Jinkx's hysterical evil laugh. The best part is, as witchy and evil she may appear at times, she lets us in on the joke, and we can't help but love her. We have no doubt Jinkx would match Alan Cumming's dramatic prose. We'd be buried alive just to witness those two in action! As for whether Jinkx should be a traitor or a faithful, it almost doesn't matter. We know she would deliver pure performance in either role.
Alaska Thunderfu*k
Right on Jinkx's heels, Alaska can also deliver dark and wicked drama. But, she adds something even more...the weird! Let's face it, a show about murdering people in the night in the middle of a foggy landscape screams "strange," and Alaska would fit right in. We also have no doubt she would deliver amazing lines in her deep, deadpan, valley-girl cadence. If picked as a traitor, she'd have no problem axing her fellow contestants, and as a faithful, she'd probably appear just as ruthless. Our only concern is that she'd be banished incorrectly as a traitor too early. Alaska is not exactly giving innocent and pure.
Mistress Isabelle Brooks
"The Traitors" needs a good villain, and Mistress delivered during her Season 15 run. Mistress always said exactly what she was thinking, which could work against her if she was hiding as a traitor, but it would be fun to see her root one out! Towards the end of her season, even Mistress realized she went in a little hard on some of her fellow contestants, spinning a new narrative with, "I'm in my congenial era." Love her or hate her, Mistress was a presence, and we know she'd bring some of that much needed Big Girl Energy to Season 3.
Valentina
Famous for forgetting the words in the biggest lip-syncing scandal of all time, we can only imagine what manipulative, yet adorable, tactic Valentina would take if she was to be banished as a traitor. "I'd like to keep it on please," she might say about her traitor cape and hood, as a way to seduce her fellows into letting her stay. Valentina has just the right amount of seduction and deluded grandiosity to garner our attention. Plus, at least she won't have to remember her lyrics this time.
Jessica Wild
Part of the appeal of "The Traitors" is that not everyone is a villain, and it's up to the contestants to root them out. We've added Jessica to the mix purely for joyous humor and entertainment. We'll need some comic relief in a show that's generally dark, and Jessica makes us smile more than any other queen. Beaming with light and love, and jiggling boobs, Jessica would probably be best as a faithful, rather than a traitor. We're not sure she has it in her to manipulate and lie, but we're cackling thinking of her facial expressions after a murder. Half the time, it's hard to understand what she's saying, but as Jessica once said, "My biggest fear in the competition is with my English, but if I don't understand something I am going to smile." Us too, girl. Us too.
Plane Jane
In the current season of "Drag Race," Season 16, a villain has clearly emerged, but her drag is also giving us life. Plane Jane is unpredictable, and a bit scary, which is why she would be completely intriguing on "The Traitors." During the "Rate a Queen" twist on the new episodes, her strategy involved manipulating the results by voting backwards, so who knows what unpredictable shenanigans she'd pull off in the Scottish castle? At the very least, it would be fun to see her ruthlessly eviscerate her fellow contestants, all while claiming she was "joking," of course.
Silky Nutmeg Ganache
OK, you caught us. We kiiiiiind of included Silky solely because she's the ultimate lip-sync assassin, holding the record for the most lip-syncs in one episode, and most lip-sync wins in one episode, where she competed in seven lip-syncs and won six (in "All Stars" Season 6, episode 10). But what that shows, more than anything, is that Silky is scrappy, and that's what you need when you're battling a bunch of camera-hungry celebrities on a reality show. We know Silky would give us some "moments," with her incredible looks, loud and boisterous personality, and if we're lucky, one of her iconic stage kicks.
Kandy Muse
Speaking of scrappy, we know Miss Muse would be formidable on a show about calling out the lies, and exposing the truth. Her entrance quote, "From the hood to Hollywood" exemplifies perfectly what we get with Kandy, which makes her such a captivating TV character. Our only fear, with that loud and domineering voice: Will anyone else be able to get a word in at the round table?
Willam
Everyone loves the contestant who can't really take anything too seriously, and rolls their eyes the entire time. We can't imagine that Willam would care that much about the competition (a la Kate Chastain in Season 1), but that nonchalant attitude is what gives her charm. During the competitions, we can envision her scoffing at the seriousness of it all, with her "I don't give a sh*t" vibe, cracking up the viewers. It's always fun when someone breaks through the third wall to mock their fellow housemates, or even the game itself, and bring a little levity to the show.
